


Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me

by PacketofRedApples



Category: Se7en (1995)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Fusion, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 11:59:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13704030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PacketofRedApples/pseuds/PacketofRedApples
Summary: It’s supposed to hurt less the more time passes… it doesn’t feel like that.





	Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me

**Author's Note:**

> This would have been better had I published it on Valentine's Day but we can't always have nice things...  
> Anyways I worked on this for a bit and it's my longest fic and I'm not 100% satisfied but I hope it makes somebody out there happy.  
> Also, don't worry-- this only borrows the concept from the other film (which I have not seen, I confess) and goes through the scenario of what would happen as a result rather than dwelling into the world around. So enjoy those attempts of me trying to pull your heart strings.

It’s supposed to hurt less the more time passes… it doesn’t feel like that. If anything, with every passing moment he misses her more. The pain becomes unbearable. By the time he’s out, he doesn’t leave his apartment for the longest time. His parents don’t even want to associate with him. He’s left all alone, maybe with Somerset but that’s iffy ground. William can’t be here for him every waking moment, so really he feels abandoned when its midday and he’s having another breakdown. The uneasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach feels so wrong. When he’s feeling all fucked up and there’s an odd sense like most his thoughts right now sound like poetry. When the words coming out of his mind are all about just how much he misses her. How when he sleeps, he makes sure it’s on her side of the bed and that he still can pretend to smell her scent on the bed sheets… How there’s always pictures of her under his own pillow as if it would bring him dreams of Her. He doesn’t know why he does it, but it feels right.

At least when he came home there wasn’t any more blood. He wonders who had gone through it sometimes.

But David is pacing around the house, biting his nails and ruminating about all he’s ever done or said wrong to Tracy.

Until eventually he halts and he glances at the direction of the door, where mail lays on the floor. He strides over there just thinking of how he needs to give himself something to do to occupy his mind, to keep going and pushing past this. There, he picks up the small stack of letters and commercial flyers, shuffling through them. It is mostly unimportant stuff, not even bills…until he stops and practically glares at one particular piece of paper.

It’s not that it was new information, he already knew about it, but now it felt like a cruel joke to be reminded of this.

“Oh, what the fuck…” He concludes as he drops it on the desk.

There it reads:

Tired of remembering that old flame? It can go away just like that!  
New, state of the art technology, capable of deleting memories!  
MemoriaeCO

* * *

 

He’s anxiously scratching his neck, trying to not do it too often, but it’s difficult like when he can’t sit still or concentrate worth shit. He already has foreseen how this day goes, yet, it still didn’t sit right with him. Mills sighs then and lightly yet falsely smirks at the approaching figure.

“Hey…” He says and takes a sip of his coffee, trying to be casual. Somerset sits down in front of the other and looks on through the window as if the weight of the world was pulling him down.

He eventually looks at the other, now looking concerned. Very much so. His hands clasp together and he gulps before speaking.

“Why did you want to see me, David?” Ah, there…straight to the point. No niceties even considered. That also meant less time before he had to brace himself for what he had to tell the other. Not a good sign. Somerset’s patience wore thin with him occasionally, but he still tried to help best he could. Yet, Mills hated asking for William’s assistance. Despised it. However, the problem was he had sold his car a while back to stay on top his bills.

“I’m going to erase what’s left of Tracy.” He says, deadpan. “I wanted to ask you to pick me up afterward.”

Somerset sort of stares at the other, sympathetically, yet underlining sternly. It drives David nuts. So instead he focuses on thinking over if he hid all the remains of her far away enough from himself.

“You know I can’t agree to this.”

“What? Is driving me such a hassle to you?” Mills attempts to deflect.

“You know that’s not what I meant—“

The waitress passes by their table, placing a coffee for William. He quickly glances at her, distracted enough for that split second before returning his gaze to David. In that moment the younger had just enough time to tiredly look out the window and begin to contemplate if this was the right move. That is, asking for the lift. He just knew he would be all different afterwards; he didn’t want to be alone anymore. Not after the pain went away.

“What I meant is… Are you positive this is the right choice? You do realize it might not magically change everything. Hell, they might not be able to remove it all. You’ll be stuck wondering just what the hell is wrong. At worst it might even come back to you. Are you sure you want to handle reliving it all?”

David looks to the table then, not wanting to even think of Somerset in front of him… feeling no inch or molecules of his body wanting to reply. Yet, he spits out:

“I’ll take the bus.”

* * *

 

He tries to search just what he forgot… Yet, he can’t place it. He only remembers shooting a… a person, however, he can’t place why or who. He remembers it fucking him up, more than the previous time he shot someone… But he cannot remember the reason. Then again, if he was here of all places, maybe it was a good thing.

He doesn’t quite stroll out of the building, but it does feel suddenly like a load has been lifted off his chest and he walks easier. Like he’s lighter.

David’s eyes wander from one side of the street to the other, not taking it in, yet, contemplating. There’s this unnerving feeling of loneliness plaguing him in that instance. He wishes Somerset were here, but he can’t fathom why. After all, he barely knew that man… “That man” feels accurate to say.

Anyways, it’s raining again and David starts walking towards the bus stop when he hears a car honk. He looks over in the direction, shooting whoever made that noise a dirty look. However, his eyes meet with no other person than Somerset. Off thrown and with uncertainty, David moves closer to the car.

Once next to it, he leans somewhat to the driver’s side window that the older man opens.

“I didn’t think you’d come.”

“I didn’t think you’d remember me.”

Mills blinks, unsure. He shifts awkwardly, looking behind himself and trying to decide how long he’d have to wait for the bus and if it’s worth ditching the other detective.

“I advise you get in the car, David. The rain is only going to get worse.” 

Then he nods, with a light sigh. In seconds time, he’s in the car. Somerset maneuvers out of the parking spot and quickly stops again as they move into traffic. Unforgiving, annoying traffic.

In that instance, the younger takes a good look at his once partner (odd, he remembers that, but doesn’t know why it’s over). He realizes that Somerset’s coat is wet as he was probably out in the rain, dealing with the parking meter. He wonders why he changed his mind. Or why he himself didn’t choose to delete the memory of Somerset… Seeing as the other did mention it—perhaps it was an oversight on his behalf? Yet, all these theories where nothing but hot air. He couldn’t remember now… Which probably was not only a good thing, but actually was a great thing--

“You lose something over here?” Somerset says and Mills jumps, instantly averting his eyes then followed by clearing his throat. “I realize this might be a confusing time in your life—“

“It’s really not.”

“—but you have to understand, I’m willing to help you best I could.”

“Thanks.”

“David.”

“No, Seriously, thanks.”

Somerset sighs then, shaking his head and they drive for a while in general quiet. It isn’t exactly awkward, if anything, it’s comfortable. It’s nice…

Eventually, Mills decides he needs to know.

“Where the hell are we going anyway?”

“The precinct.”

“Okay… why?”

“No real reason, I just need to get something and then we’ll be on our way.”

“All right.”

They arrive soon after.

David feels dread set in his stomach, but gets out of the car and looks at the building with undesirable foreboding.  Eventually, the younger man huffed.

He sort of followed Somerset like a puppy then as they walked into the precinct. Mills halted quickly when inside the building, running a hand through his hair, trying to get the droplets of rain out of it. By the time he looked up he saw Somerset offering him his coat.

“The hell—you want me to carry your jacket nowadays?”

“I want you to put it on… The last thing you need is a cold.”

Mills took it, trying not to overthink it. He takes off his own jacket and slips into the one offered to him. It’s warm. And seemingly managing to let less water through itself than his own. He raises his eyes again and is met by an odd sight. While not completely obvious, it seems that quite a large amount of the people in the building keep shooting him glances. It made him uncomfortable…just what the hell did he delete from his memory?

David quickened his step and caught up to the older man.

“Why does everyone keep looking at me…?” Mills mutters quietly to the other, locking gazes with one of the officers there, who just shakes his head at him.

“Might have to do with what you deleted from your memory… But who knows.”

“Why the hell are you suddenly so bitter!?” the shorter shoots back, now glaring at Somerset, who just shrugs. “C’mon, man… You got to be kidding me.  I did something life-changing and you’re gonna hound me down over it?” He is this time met with no response, just quiet. He decides two can play at this game.

They continue up the stairs for several floors and then past a hall of dozens of desk until they arrive at an office in the far back of the floor. It’s sort of uneventful bullshit from there on in. Somerset gets a folder out of his desk and glances through it, giving David a look yet deciding against saying anything. Which only spikes Mills’ curiosity, but he doesn’t ask. If the other needs his input—he’s going to bring it up, right?

And with that, it sort of is a frame of not talking (Mills as revenge ignoring Somerset; Somerset most likely playing along) until they’re somewhere halfway to Mills’ apartment. A red light.

“You hungry?” William asks, casually and calmly, not letting any sign of irritation now show. He’s looking out the window, glancing over a diner standing not too far away.

“I could eat.” David answers and instantly regrets opening his mouth. So much for getting even…  Fuck, he could even swear he sees a light smile make its traces seen on the other’s face.

In about fifteen minutes’ time, they pull up and are sitting in a booth, already ordered their coffee and meals.

“You should get a dog…” The older suddenly says and Mills is rightfully surprised, the other is full of it today. What was this?

“How so?”

“Would make you feel less alone.”

“I’m not that desperate…And why should you care?”

“We could go to the pound tomorrow… I’m going to take the day off. Call in sick.”

God, it was almost like Somerset suddenly felt bad for something. David hated it.

They’re food and coffee got served. The older detective took a sip.

“Okay.” David says with some irony.

Both of them are halfway through their meals when Mills’ patience doesn’t hold him back anymore.

“What’s in the folder?”

“It’s a case I’m working on.”

“Obviously… But do you need help with it?”

“Nor particularly, David, no.” Somerset stares into his coffee, looking tired as ever.

“You sure…?”

“I’d rather you wouldn’t be involved.”

Mills finally averts his eyes off of Somerset and looks down at his food, moving it around with the fork and feeling the lack of appetite set in. Suppose he was wrong.  

“You know, there’s a reason I was fired, I just can’t figure it out…” He finally mentions what’s been eating away at him. However, it’s practically a mutter. The job meant so much to Mills, he knows this, but he remembers court, he remembers… He remembers the psych ward.  And it sure as hell wasn’t as smooth sailing as he had originally expected it to be. He can’t place why all of this happened.

However, what he said was apparently clear enough for the other to pick up.

“Mills I’m not sure you want to know.”

A silence passes between them.

“You’re right, there’s probably a reason I chose to forget this.”

* * *

 

David lies in bed, unable to get comfortable… until he settles on one side of the bed for some reason. He was thinking about things despite his better judgment. He couldn’t stop wondering. But eventually, when the sun begins rising, he feels exhausted enough from staring at the ceiling.

He’s in high school. He understands that, as dream logic goes… He just knows that. And sitting at a desk in the middle of a class was obvious enough. But something feels off and he looks behind himself to be met with a pair of doe eyes. They’re bright, lovely even. And he can’t tear away from them. But the owner of those eyes speaks and he is shocked, taken aback. He looks over the person before him. God, she was beautiful.

There’s a knock on his door.

His eyes instantly open and he’s faced with the same ceiling he was staring at before.  Another knock.

David gets out of bed, or rather, drags himself out. He drifts around the apartment, not bothering to get dressed—whoever it was, had to face him in boxers and a t-shirt.

Unsurprisingly it’s Somerset. He doesn’t look all that annoyed; he just takes off his hat and gives Mills a look.

“You should probably get dressed.” There’s a gesture he offers the other, before beginning to fidget with his hat.

“Jesus, what time is it…”

“It’s 11 o’clock, David.” Somerset says, dropping his hands to his sides and that’s all he can to contain a sigh of slight irritation.

“Fine, fine…give me five minutes.” Mills goes off into the other end of the apartment, leaving the door open for William.

* * *

 

And here he was… standing in the pound. Staring at two button-like black eyes that looked interestingly up at him. The dog kept cocking its head, trying to take a better look at the human before him. Genuinely curious.

“Listen, Somerset… This isn’t exactly my type of dog.” He finally says, furrowing his brow, glancing at the other before looking over the dog again. White fur sticking up in odd angles and a little black nose, a tail that oddly reminded him of a satellite stick the way it was pointing up… Was he serious?

“David, I’d be very surprised if you’d actually have the energy to take care of a dog even remotely bigger than this.”

It’s odd to even think about such a dog even being left here… Especially since it was practically a puppy. Even Mills knew it was a cute dog, so why the hell was it here? Did nobody really want it? Or was it the issue with not having paperwork to prove it was a breed dog?

Regardless, Mills sighed.

“Can’t I just get several dogs? And dogs I’d actually like?”

“Are you positive you’d have the energy for it?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Fine, David, but that’s on you.”

Somerset somehow wears him down with no words past that point. He’s really not sure what happens, but he leaves with the tiny white dog (not even weighing more than 13 pounds, god damn). It’s wearing a blue leash-harness set up and running ahead the entire time. David has decided to name him Bill.

They got home relatively with little whining from Bill and with a lot more shaking than expected. David held him close, whispering reassurance to the dog.  Somerset couldn’t hide the amusement he felt from this situation.  Mills, unfortunately, wore his heart on his sleeve even if most of the emotions he felt were negative... Yes, even still. He couldn’t change.

Thankfully they arrived eventually, which (once outside) gave Bill new things to smell and new dogs to stare at. It seems the pup was a brave one, pushing his chest out and showing off his frame once it spotted a dog approaching. A low growl starting in its throat in an oddly much deeper tone than either of the men could have anticipated.

“You want pizza?” Suddenly the older asked and Mills gave him a questioning look.

“Sure. “

They went inside and while Mills was taking off the harness from the small dog, Somerset found a pamphlet for a pizza place pretty nearby. Quickly, he made the call and David occupied himself by playing on the floor with Bill. When placing the paper back into its place, William spotted an ad for MemoriaeCo. He shook his head and returned to the two other figures.

* * *

 

They sat on the couch, several slices of the pizza already missing, watching as Bill played with an old sneaker that neither Somerset nor Mills wanted to bother taking away. Especially not the older when it created such an idyllic sight. It was a nice moment, surely. But as any moment it wouldn’t last long.

“You know...” Mills spoke up, sounding exhausted, like last night caught up with him just now.

“What?” Somerset hoped this time the other would not leave him hanging. He still stayed curious about what the other wanted to say previously… But suppose now he’ll never know.

“I think it’s weird… I was thinking and I don’t think I ever recall falling in love. I mean, I’m in my mid-30s and I don’t ever recall sleeping with a woman… How fucked up is that? Might be the most pathetic thing to ever occur in human history.”  David’s voice still ran in a tired drawl, barely dragging along.

“That’s… All right, really.” William shifted, uncomfortable.

“I’m not done.” Mills perked up, audibly annoyed. He sat up straight suddenly, took a breath and looked directly at Somerset. “I…Think it’s fucked up how I have no reason to live whatsoever. I only know you here, I know my family doesn’t want to speak to me, but I also know that I erased whatever memory would explain why I’m even fired or in this godforsaken city. But my question to you is this: if nobody wishes to associate with me all of a sudden and everyone looks at me like I’m some fucking abomination—then why the hell did you stick around?”

Somerset wants to answer, say something profound. Sure, there must have been nights spent wondering the same thing? He should be able to just give him a god damn monologue by this point. Yet, he can’t, he doesn’t know why he stuck around. Or he knows and doesn’t want to say it. So instead he mirrors David’s position, looking at the other just intently as he should until his gaze drops to the floor and he looks smaller than before.

“David, I’m not sure you want to know the answer to this—“He attempts to begin, to sound sympathetic enough for the other to back off. To understand and realize this isn’t the worst case scenario. But the other understands and his reaction is less than desirable.

“How come, Somerset!?” He raises his voice, sounding much angrier than he had the right to.

“Because… “He doesn’t know what to say, directs his eyes to the side, feeling wrong about this situation. He was so direct, why couldn’t David calm down? Suppose there was no way around this, not really. “I pitied you. I felt sorry for what had happened to you.”

“What happened?” Somerset couldn’t believe that he managed to sound more enraged than he did previously.

“David, I cannot tell you.” William raises his head now, looking directly at the other man. “But you know I warned you that this might happen.”

“What the fuck did I get rid of that caused this much bullshit?”  David stood up and barged out of the room. It was uncanny just how often he reminded the older of hysterical teenager…  Bill raised his head, cocking it for a bit before rushing after his new owner. Once at the door he whined, the dog attempting to move it with his nose.

The building vibrated for a minute or so and suddenly alarmed Bill barked. A loud curse word escaped from the room. Somerset sighed and walked towards the source of the noise. It seems the issue of having trains pass so close to one’s home wouldn’t ever lessen.

William picked up the small dog and opened the door, looking at Mills’ form curled up, sitting on the bed.

“I fucking hate this place…”

“You can always stay with me.”

“I was talking more about this city. I just… remember that I hate it here ever since whatever happened had happened.”

“Oh… ” The older felt silly, so he looked down then, shifting the way he held the excitable dog in his arms.  “Well, this isn’t the most ideal place for you to stay.”

“Not like I can afford to go anywhere else… I’m already low on savings; I don’t even have a pension fund anymore.” David confessed, still not looking anywhere from the floor. Somerset’s eyes fixed on him, somewhat shocked.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why should I? So you could feel even more sorry for me?” His voice is back to the self-defending anger. That fire, that hasn’t burned in him since he stopped allowing anger into his life, even if unintentionally, is back at full bite. So what if the words he spoke don’t bite, it’s the emotion behind them. David knows something’s wrong but he cannot place it, he doesn’t know, he’s lost. He needs guidance now more than ever.

“I… No, David.” Somerset puts down the pup and it runs to the other man, trying to jump onto his lap and failing. The older takes a few slow and careful steps towards the other and sits down on the bed next to him. “Listen, I was going to bring this up regardless, but this case is my last. I’m moving to the countryside after this… I wanted to ask if you would join me.”

David looks up at him then, finally tearing away from the floor. He looks over the other’s face and for a second Somerset believes he might agree to it.

“You’re crazy.” This time, he sounds almost soft and only slightly annoyed at the proposition. Perhaps, like he’s actually considering it.

“Well, I’ll leave it up to you. I’ll stay as long as the job needs me or as close to completion as I could humanly manage. But even after I’m gone you could call me and I’d pick you up. ” Without much thought, he leaves a quick pat on Mills’ knee and gets off the bed. David looks at him with a raised eyebrow, off thrown by the gesture. Regardless, at this Somerset just shrugs lightly and goes home, leaving the younger man and his dog to sit in the bedroom.

* * *

 

That night’s dream leaves him to wonder just who it is that’s haunting him like this. He awakes, curious, but sure it’s nothing. People take in random faces they see on the street, it could be anyone. Maybe he just lucked out pass somebody as stunning and as lovely as her. 

God, regarding how the dream went? Well, they had their first date and she laughed. They both laughed… He felt as if his heart was going to combust out of joy. The next night, they made love for the first time, but aside that no other ones have appeared afterward. Not that there was a need. David couldn’t stop thinking about it for days now.  It was closing in for a week when he was sitting in the usual diner he and Somerset met up in, practically playing with his food and forgetting his coffee completely. Both must have been cold by now as he’s been here for a while. Not that it much mattered to him—he was too perplexed thinking about the girl in his dreams. It felt a bit dirty, recalling it now, but in that dream, he was also as young as her (maybe just a year older).

Somerset suddenly sat down at the booth, giving Mills an odd look.

“Sorry, were you waiting long?” His inquiry is simple enough, but it throws Mills into turmoil.

“Not really. Don’t think so.” The odd look persists.

“Is everything all right?” The concern is clear in the elder’s voice; Mills becomes distressed with just how his heart feels in that instance.

“Sorry, been spacing out.” He explains, calmly. “So, what’s up?”

“I changed my mind; I wish to consult you on the case. Worst case scenario, I need somebody to bounce ideas off of.”

David nods—okay. He’s willing to do this, give his brain a fucking distraction for once from wondering. He’s not sure why but he can’t help to fixate onto why he deleted what he did and what it was… he wishes he could just let it go.

Somerset takes out a folder and pushes it towards Mills, who opens it and begins examining the photos and files in it.  Meanwhile, Somerset gives him a rundown of the entire thing. David takes many double and triple takes, trying to process everything he is seeing, but his brain feels out of it.  He brings up a hand to his forehead as he looks at one photo, his fingers inch closer, letting his head rest on them. He feels heavy, the way he cannot concentrate on this at all.

“Sorry…” He mutters to no one in particular, “Not my best day. Haven’t done this in a while.”

“That’s more than fine, David. Take your time.” Somerset says. His voice back to being soft. He is being compassionate, again. It’s odd, because just last week, when Mills met him, he was sure the old man had no interest in being seen with the former detective at the very least… perhaps he was tired? Or maybe he feels even more sorry for him in this moment?  

“I think… I’m not sure, but—“He keeps looking at the photo, it feels significant, yet he can’t place it. “There’s something about this angle, but I can’t… I’m not sure, as I said.” He then offers the photo to Somerset who nods, looking it over.

“All right.” The other man looks at it, completely focused. They spend a good while like that, drinking coffee in silently staring at that photo. But it seems it doesn’t occur to either of them. Somerset hands it back. “You might want to hold onto the folder, who knows—you might figure it out.”

* * *

 

Once home, Mills goes about taking care of Bill, forgetting momentarily about the paperwork he leave on the kitchen isle.  He pours the dog food, and then proceeds to walk him. He spends the rest of the day, lying around and thinking about the girl. Later, he goes to bed, the dog jumping up at the edge, begging to be brought up. David sighs, but does so. The pup nuzzles to its owner and Mills soon enough passes out.

It’s another dream.

In it he sees her, it’s a carnival. They go on a Ferris wheel. They laugh and smile and he gets down on one knee. He’s the captain of the football team; he should be man enough to do this. But he’s scared. They’re still so young, still in college. She’s studying to be a teacher; he’s bullshitting his way through the police academy.

“Will you marry me?” He asks, she covers her mouth, eyes gleaming with joy. “Please say yes or I swear to god I will jump off this fucking thing.” He mutters then, half joking half serious.

She laughs, shaking her head, probably knowing full well it’s still the same old David.

“Yes.” She says and he’s sure he never felt as happy in his entire fucking life.

He wakes up, feeling better than he has in days. Bill yawns, notices his owner is getting out of bed and rushes in after him, jumping around.

Damn. David really wishes he knew what was up with these dreams, but now as they continue, so does the inquiry—what the fuck did he delete from his memory? He’s not entirely sure how the two are connected, but here he is-- wondering.

While he’s in the kitchen, preparing coffee for himself and some makeshift breakfast, he notes the file resting on the isle. He picks it up and flips through it, finally stopping at the same picture as before. There had to be something, why else would he fixate on it so badly. 

He’s halfway through drinking all his pills when he realizes what it is. He grabs the phone and calls up Somerset’s office, asking for him to meet up.

* * *

 

They’re in the park, Bill running ahead of the two of them, sniffing around and wagging his tail. Somerset looks on, but after a minute or them walking he turns to Mills and stops.

“So?”

“Okay…so it might be nothing, but—the knot the victim was tied up with was an overhand knot. So somebody who remembers their boy scout training well could have done it. I’m not sure… that’s the best I could offer.”

Somerset thinks it over, nodding.

“Somebody could have just learned it from a book, you know.” The elder is clearly not too awestruck by this.  Mills is somewhat disappointed. But he still holds onto hope it will point the other in the right direction, somehow. “Actually, this will give me a reason to question Dominic Joni; he is the cousin of the victim. It was mentioned they had issues, so I suppose it could be him. He is a boy scout leader.”

Mills smiles dumbly.

“How come you didn’t question him before?” Mills pulls the dog back towards himself after saying that. Somerset shrugs.

“How did you end up recognizing it?” He inquires eventually. 

“Um, I used to be a boy scout when I was young,” He says and they continue on walking. Now it’s William’s turn to smile at the other.

“Really?” Somerset has to think that one over for a bit.

* * *

 

David picks up Bill and brings him up to the bed where the pup gets comfortable and falls asleep. Meanwhile, he himself sits on the edge of the bed—thinking. He’s…worried, oddly enough, there’s that foreboding again. Eating away at him from the inside.

He lies down, however, and closes his eyes. It takes a bit, but eventually, he falls asleep.

He sees it play out before his eyes, coming home—telling her, the woman he is now married to, the same doe-eyed girl—he shot a junkie dead today. That one of his colleagues died. That he felt fine about it and no he wasn’t lying. She hugs him tightly, strokes his hair. He didn’t understand—not fully.

He awakes, confused. He really does remember shooting a man; he really does remember one of his own men dying that time in the raid. What the fuck was going on?

Mills rushes out of bed.

* * *

 

Arriving at the apartment door, he knocks timidly enough, the small dog sitting down on the floor as they wait for the door to open. It takes a minute or so for Somerset to appear soon enough in the entrance. He seems puzzled by the sight of the two before him, but he opens the door wider and steps back.

“Did something happen?” There it goes. That concern that causes Mills’ heart to feel odd.

“I think you need to give me some fucking answers, Somerset!” He is angry, reasonably so. The older man is wide-eyed, appropriately so. He takes another step back and after a sigh walks into the apartment. David rushes in after, with Bill following suit.

Once inside, David slams the door behind himself, making the dog jump up and rush away towards the other man faster than it’s ever had an interest to. Somerset looks down at it, sympathetically.

“So…What is it?” William pretends to get to the point but even this is pushing time. He’s not really completely sure; he thinks he knows what the younger wants to hear. Considering, he hasn’t been quiet about it at all. 

“I keep having dreams about this woman… and…now I had a dream that makes too much fucking sense, Somerset, what the fuck!” He is in shambles, yet his grip on the leash is strong, so strong his knuckles turn white. Bill whines, frightened.

“What exactly happened?”

“I dreamt…or I fucking remembered-- I think. That this…guy I worked with, got shot and killed in action and I fucking executed the prick that did that…but I can’t remember the details about it, but I know that really happened. She comforted me that night, even when I told her I didn’t need it. Somerset, that really happened!”

William merely sighs. He’s obviously tired. Exhausted, even.

“I don’t know what I can tell you…” 

“Anything, goddamn it!” David leans forward, as wrathful as ever. It’s odd how alive he looked at moments like these… somehow, the other man wasn’t sure it would last longer.

“I’m sorry, Mills—.”

“Don’t.” 

Seems that’s where the conversation ended because the younger man tugged at the dog and left the apartment. He was fuming, sure, but he seemed as lost as anyone could be in this situation.

Somerset was somewhat disappointed in himself.

* * *

 

Mills stands in the aisle, staring at the ridiculous amount of dog food brands. It takes him a little bit of thinking, but he eventually he picks a bag and stares at it for a bit. He’s trying to read when he hears whispering behind himself. At first, he attempts to ignore it yet somebody says something along the lines of “Didn’t he shoot the guy who killed his wife?” and Mills sharply turns, off-balanced and bewildered. The two spot him turning and instantly usher each other away, pretending nothing of the sorts was mentioned.

* * *

 

That night’s dream doesn’t go entirely along the same lines as the others. It’s less a dream and more a nightmare. In it he’s in a field, he’s with Somerset and some fucking random guy. Somerset is by a van, opening a box and the fucking guy keeps telling him some sort of bullshit and its infuriating David. Really. But then he says something that messes him up, throws him for a loop.

“…So, I took a souvenir, her pretty little head…”

He cannot believe it. He denies it to himself, asking his partner for the explanation that never comes. It’s the mention of a child that seals the deal. Everything else…sort of blurs.

He fires all his bullets into that guy… He’s never felt so much rage… However, then when he wakes up he feels like he has nothing. The small dog whimpers next to him, licking his face as David can feel his own body shake.

“Did I… I do the right thing?” He mutters to nobody specifically, but the dog whines back at him. Yet, he pushes back, trying to tell himself it’s nothing. That doesn’t work out.

* * *

 

When the several beeps end, he speaks. Quickly after them, knowing the other man picked up.

“Somerset, what the fuck did I forget?” David practically yells into the phone. He’s sitting on the floor by the telephone, trying not to shiver. There’s a glass of some sort of strong alcohol besides him and a half-empty bottle of Xanax.

“David, I told you many times before—I cannot tell you.”

“Listen, I know I shot a man.” Mills begins, “But did I do it because he killed my wife?” He recalls now, everything. The dream clicks in this instance.

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Did I do it because that fuck killed my wife!? Tell me, Somerset!”

There’s a long moment of quiet. Absolute silence, consideration on the detective’s behalf.

“…Yes.” He finally speaks up. Soon a sound of glass shattering follows and Somerset winces.

* * *

 

David fears the night, frets going to sleep because when he does it will all repeat. He can feel it. And it does. He passes out on the couch… Not watching TV, he didn’t have that for a while now. He was busy, staring at the wall when he started to feel sleepy. He fought it at first; however, he lost that battle and completely fell asleep. And it all came back, that day on the field—in flashes. Walking up and seeing her head in the box, her actual head. Crying out to Somerset about it…The look the other man gave him and those lifeless eyes staring at him from inside the box, mouth agape. Mills felt ill. When he awoke the feeling didn’t leave.

And so it became the endless cycle. Every night since he dreamt of her head… her decapitated head, that is. So lovely and yet— dead.  He couldn’t believe it, comprehend it. It seemed false. But he awakes every night or morning or day or whenever after he passed out—sobbing.

David hasn’t seen or talked to Somerset since, but his phone keeps ringing every day multiple times. It doesn’t take a genius to add two and two together, but Mills is avoidant. Doesn’t go outside more than need be.

Eventually, one day, while walking Bill he turns a corner and is met with no other than the familiar old face of William. The younger tenses, squaring up. Ready to just walk past and hell he tries, but Somerset grabs him by the shoulder and looks him straight in the eyes. Mills doesn’t throw a punch at him.

“David, you can’t let this go on any longer. You’ve been through this before… I can’t watch you suffer anymore. We need to talk.” 

Mills brushes off the hand and continues walking, Somerset follows him.

“Fuck off, old man. I don’t want anything to do with you.” It’s not gentle but it is honest.

“You have to understand—I was only trying to help you best I could.” Somerset explains, not even faltering in his steps.

“You shouldn’t have told me then.”

“You were remembering it all, what the hell was I supposed to do? I tried at first; it didn’t work out as you can see… David, you have got to be reasonable here.”

“Why? So you could continue pitying me and treating me like I’m a fucking failure?”

“No—“

“Then why should I even listen to you?”  

“Because… I love you.”

Mills hits at a full stop mid-step, stunned. He turns to face the other, slowly and looks at him, just looking for an explanation of what was just said.

“You don’t, right?”

“David, I’m not lying. Why would I? I never wanted this. I have no reason to pretend.”

The younger steps into the other’s space, grabbing him by the collar and glaring like a tiger behind a cage.

“Fuck you.” And with that he let’s go and departs, continue on the walk. Leaving Somerset alone in the middle of the street, nobody paying mind to him or the events that just transpired. The older man was defeated.

* * *

 

Somerset is lying in bed. Unfortunately, missing the metronome he had destroyed so long ago. Or so it seemed now. He missed the constant reassuring ticking that kept him from hearing the noise of the city. He was numb to it, really. By now at least… But sometimes it was too much. Turning in bed, continuing to stare ahead, feeling his heart swell at the events that had transpired that day.

The problem was he knew he didn’t lie. He knew he meant it. He realized it only just before, why else would he be this terrified of this entire notion of feeling things for a disaster of a man. It was odd, the moment William looked into David’s eyes for the first time, he didn’t know – didn’t suspect—he’d be here. Nothing could have foretold that just before his retirement, he’ll be stuck in this hell. The only reason he stayed in this damn city was Mills and that was the unfortunate truth of the matter. And now he had no reason to stay, except now he also didn’t have a chance of getting away with the man he misfortunately fell in love with.

It was obvious David had changed that he became different from the “rookie” he met at first. But he was still much of the same… Still as full of rage and as ignorant. And these circumstances were no help.

Somerset knew his confession would have just driven the other away and it wasn’t according to plan to tell the other anything, but it was better than staying quiet, right? Well, then why did it hurt?

Of course, he knew-- the rejection was worse than the realization he had about how he feels. It would have been better to never know the answer of how the other would have responded.

Now it was too late anyway. Soon he’ll be out of this city and moving on. Hopefully. If the half packed away apartment was anything to go by… He wished it meant he was on the right track.

Somerset fell asleep somehow... Thankfully, for his own sanity.

* * *

 

David didn’t sleep for the past several days, mostly wandering through his apartment and aimlessly looking out the window. Bill looked somewhat depressed, but Mills chose to ignore it. As long as he walked and fed the dog, ignored the ringing phone and didn’t sleep he’ll be fine. But it didn’t work out that way. His phone hung off the hook, most days. But the quiet kept him ruminating through his exhaustion, feeling worse and worse. He couldn’t help passing out and waking up terrified to the sight of Tracy’s head in the box.

However, he couldn’t take it. It was taking a toll on his psyche.  Mind feeling terrorized. There’s only one pleasing thought that keeps returning.

He felt like he had no other choice here.

* * *

 

There’s a timid knock on the door and Somerset sighs mid taking off his jacket as he had just returned from the office. He opens the door and the first thing he spots, or rather feels—experiences—is a dog jumping at him, repeatedly. Trying to somehow magically reach his face. It’s Bill, and once William realizes this, he is confused.

“David?” It’s more an inquiry, filled with fear that the other wanted to get rid of the one thing that reminded of him. 

“Listen, I came to apologize.” Mills sounds… small. Diminished. And sure as hell worn out. The older furrows his brow, off thrown. This wasn’t close to anything he had expected.

“You don’t have to.” To some extent, he doesn’t want this to go on. But he’s glad, even If things won’t go his way regardless.

“No, I mean it.”  David clears his throat. “I also…” A reserved look crosses the younger’s features. “I, um… Wanted to take you up on your offer.” He huffs. “I’d like to move in with you. I can’t take being alone anymore…”

Somerset processes the words and nods, slowly. Finally looking properly at the younger’s face and taking it in. There were heavy bags under his eyes and in general seemed sickly.

“I’m glad, David.” He steps back into the apartment. Deeply fearful. Mills enters. However, the surprising aspect is that he steps into the elder’s space, letting go of the leash, allowing Bill to run around the apartment.

“What are you doing?” Suddenly, Somerset is mixed between astonished and frightened. Excited, as well. It’s almost like there’s lightning in his fingertips just at the thought of how close he is to the other man and then--

Mills presses his lips against the other man’s and he can feel them on his own. Chapped and bitten many times, but it’s a lovely sensation nonetheless.

“I am really sorry.” David mutters, softly, looking down once again at the floor. “I don’t want to…lose you.”

Somerset raises his hands to Mills’ shoulders but thinks better of it.

“It’s okay.” He finally says, to calm the other man. “I don’t want to force you into anything.”

“You’re not.”

A beat.

“So you do love me back?” Somerset asks, optimistically.

“I…” Mills is suddenly bashful the way he looks at the floor. “I think I’m in love…with your voice.” He then says, glancing back up and not breaking eye contact until they both burst out snickering. Somerset shakes his head before embracing the other, for the first time without being pushed away.

“I’m glad.” William says against the younger’s temple, planting weak kisses onto it. Promptly, Mills locks eyes with him, an impish look on his still young features.

“I have an idea.”

* * *

 

David more so falls onto the bed than he lies down. Somerset looks onto the frame of the man as he takes off the sweater that was already so loose on his body. William was perplexed this was happening, let alone he couldn’t even begin to explain the fire that burned in the pit of his stomach at this realization.  Shyly, he begins to take off his own clothes. He starts with the coat, then his hand rest on his hat—

“Hey, you can leave your hat on.” Mills says from his spot on the bed, laughing.

A definite pause.

“How long did you wait to make that joke?”

“A while.”

They both chuckle then.

“So you planned this, huh?”

Mills just looked on at him, feigning innocence and it’s embarrassing how much of a captivating sight it is to William. But as if to avoid the question he says:

“Hurry up and kiss me, man, I don’t intend to wait all night!”

Somerset snapped out of his daze and rushed to take off his hat and then sweater vest, finally he moved onto the bed. They inched closer to one another and they kissed. They really did… It was… odd. Somerset was hesitant, yet the other was inviting.

However…

Somerset broke contact and looked at Mills from above. His frame had always frightened the older man… David always seemed malnourished, but even more so after Tracy. He shouldn’t be thinking these things now, it worried him and his hand traced the body below him as if to make sure he couldn’t actually feel the ribs he could see. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. He pulled away, changing his position to lie beside the younger who just glanced at him confused.

"Hell's wrong with you? I thought you were into it."

"Sorry... I just... had a thought."

“And it would be what?” Somerset shrugs from his spot, eyeing Mills’ torso.  Growing irritated.  “I’m worried—“

“You don’t have to be.”

“I’m still going to be.” The older protest and Mills sighs. They pause, David, turning on his sided and looking intently at Somerset.

“I gotta confess, I haven’t even… fucking jacked off, since… her. It felt wrong to touch myself.”

“We don’t have to do anything, you know…” Somerset says and the other nods, thinking it over.

“Yeah.” Mills sounds satisfied with that, then shifts closer to the other form, nuzzling into Somerset’s chest. It takes a bit, but he settles. Secretly enjoying the smell of the man’s cologne… It wasn’t sharp, not at all. Soft and surprisingly manly enough. “For now.” Mills adds and closes his eyes.

“If only you want to… Just don’t wait until I’m too old for it.” They chuckle lightly again before settling into silence…And like that the two fell asleep.

* * *

 

When William awakes from Bill’s scratching on the bed, he doesn’t quite want to move. He’s satisfied just lying there with Mills’ hair ticking his neck from where his head was placed on his chest. Lazily tracing patterns onto the other man’s back. There’s a ridiculous amount of content for him then, more than he ever anticipated to experience after what had happened. Yet, the man removes himself from his partner’s hold and walks into the kitchen. The dog following after. Somerset starts to boil the kettle and make coffee.

Not too long after, David walks into the kitchen and towards Somerset, who tries his hardest but fails not to smile at the other’s still sleepy form. The older man raised his hand to the other’s face and wiped at his eyes, removing the crust that had formed there.

“Good morning.” The joy seeps through his voice. His hands rest on David’s shoulder.

“Morning.” Mills replies with a yawn which induces a wider grin onto William’s features. David looks around then and back at the other. There’s a stupid grin on his features. “I think I haven’t slept this good in a while.”

“Really?”

“Yeah!” The former detective moves closer to the other, resting his head on his shoulder and sighing happily.

“Guess I make for a comfortable pillow.” Somerset jokes and the other laughs, softly. “Oh!” He remembers. “I have to tell you—the case is over. We got the guy.”

“What? Really? How’d you nail him?”

“It was the boy scout thing.”

“Guess I’m not good for nothing then.”

“Don’t push your luck. We were stupid for overlooking it.” Somerset’s voice betrays the amusement he feels at saying that.

“You sure were.” David chuckles, sounding only slightly annoyed.

The kettle squeals.

* * *

 

The move was good enough. Mills had awaited it more and more each day, but soon enough they left to the small house. It was going to take a lot of repairs, but they were going to get it done. 

They both mutually agreed that there was no need for a TV and David to occupy his time and mind when not working on repairs with his partner, took up reading through the boxes of Somerset’s books. Sure, it takes him a while to finish a single one, but he’s moving up with that list. Slowly, but surely.

On an off day, Somerset had driven into town for a bit, but he returned in the evening to find the other man sitting on the porch, drinking. At first, he grew worried, but he slowly and surely walked towards the younger one.

It was past dusk, stars already starting to show themselves in the night sky. It was beautiful.

William stopped just in front of the other man. Mills from his spot on the porch steps sips his beer and looks up at the man before him. So does Bill from where he laid next to the younger’s feet. But soon the dog loses interest, surprisingly the other man doesn’t. Next to Mills there laid a copy of For Whom the Bell Tolls, a bookmark resting deep within it.

“You know…this place is….strange.” Somerset says, looking around.

“Yeah, it’s so normal… “David adds and the older man smiles, weakly.

“Exactly…”

There’s a pause of them looking at each other, content. Somerset sits down next to his partner, time passing in a comfortable silence as both their gazes wander up to the shining orbs.

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s stupid to hope she’s out there.” Mills mutters. William glances at him and moves his hand to lay over the other’s.

“It’s not…” He’s still scared. Still terrified of the other changing his mind.

“I love you, you know that, right?” David then says, over the tip of his bottle.

They stay like that a good while. Silent and together, finally comfortable and content.

“I do.” Somerset says, finally calmer.

Both men had gone through hell and back, maybe even twice, but they could finally attempt to achieve peace. Finally.


End file.
